Significant achievements of MICE WITH GLASSES

 

The following are what the Mice see as their most significant achievements to date as a band. We are justly proud of these and would now like to share them with our public.

 

1) The sheer musical power of the band caused a lady to take off her

    top (and occasionally her bottom) while dancing in front of Dangermouse IN

    THE POURING RAIN.

2) A total stage black-out was achieved when Dangermouse mischievously

    PLACED A PEPPER POT IN A LIGHT BULB HOLDER.

3) Improvisional jazz chords have been played by ALL band musicians. This

    includes some chords THAT WERE PREVIOUSLY UNKNOWN.

4) Complete separation was achieved between the band car and band trailer

    when on a roundabout IN LIGHT DRIZZLE.

5) The rhythm section are proud to have consumed 1540 SAUSAGE ROLLS

    and 784 VOL-AU-VENTS from the numerous buffets provided.

6) Through his haunting vocals, Dangermouse HYNOTISED A YOUNG

    JAPANESE COUPLE who remained dancing in front of him for the whole

    gig ALONE ON THE DANCE FLOOR.

7) As a band we are proud to have kept at least two kebab houses in business

    through a DOUBLE-DIP RECESSION.

8) While playing out of the back of a lorry in Dorset, the movement was such

    that it replicated an 8.3 earthquake. BUT STILL THE BAND PLAYED ON. 

9) On one occasion (only one mind), the driving groove laid down by the

     rhythm section, caused two women to penetrate the front-man/guitarist line

     and ACTUALLY APPROACH THE RHYTHM SECTION IN PERSON.

     Sadly, upon noticing our combined age, they were repelled back to

     the front-line BUT THEY DID GET THROUGH.

10) The band are proud to say that we did perform at a Girls Grammar school

      WITHOUT THE BASS PLAYER FAINTING.

11) The band have had WOMEN DANCING in the headlights of our reversing

      vehicles in the pub car park (possibly celebrating us leaving - but we

      prefer to interpret this as "the party didn't stop until the Mice literally left the

      premises"). 

12) The band are proud to have owned (and used) a smoke machine (a

      machine that actually makes smoke). Furthermore, our bass player has

      contributed to stage effects by ACTUALLY SETTING FIRE TO HIS OWN

      AMP, Hendrix style.

13) On one occasion, The Mice played to a grand total of 12 people, the most

      enthusiastic (in fact, only) dancer suffering from PROFOUND

      DEAFNESS (which is the preferred way to listen to us).

14) An improvised wooden stage extension projected into the crowd almost

      invisibly and caused numerous members of the audience to TRIP AND

      FALL HEAVILY AND AMUSINGLY.

15) The whole band are proud to have been recognised OUTSIDE A CHIP

      SHOP. Dangermouse has since gone global, being recognised in MOST

      RETAIL OUTLETS IN HERTFORDSHIRE.

16) The whole band has signed an ELDERLY SLOVAKIAN GENTLEMAN'S

      FOREARM.

17) The sheer musical power of the band (coupled with the power of alcohol)

      caused a lone young lady to faint on the dance floor DURING OUR FIRST

      SONG.

18) We are all proud to have put our lives on the line for our music in the aptly

      named "Death Seat" in the back of our old roadie's van (basically a

     deck chair surrounded by HEAVY UNSTABLE EQUIPMENT).

19) The drummer is proud that, on forgetting all his cymbals, he was prepared

      to play LARGE CIRCULAR TUPPERWARE LIDS INSTEAD. Fortunately,

      three drummers were located on the premises and real cymbals were

      provided.

20) Dangermouse and Mickey are proud to have developed a Babe Locating

       System (BLS) that, by a system of triangulation, can locate and track the

       person MORE ACCURATELY THAN A GPS SYSTEM.

21) Despite massive over-consumption of champagne, the drummer is proud

      to have completed a gig, ACTUALLY RETURNING TO CONCIOUSNESS

      FOR THE FINAL THIRD.

22) Dangermouse is proud to have had a bride fancy him so much that it

      ACTUALLY THREATENED THE WEDDING THAT WE WERE PLAYING

      AT.

23) As a finale, the band are proud to have jumped into a swimming pool

      ACTUALLY FULL OF WATER.

24) Despite a pub being guarded by three alsations the size of a horse and a

      clientele consisting exclusively of cage fighters, the band WERE NOT

      BEATEN UP FOR THEIR CAMPNESS (although, wisely, the sparkly

      microphone was not used on this occasion).

25) The band have successfully predicted a riot twice, while playing "I  

       PREDICT A RIOT" (fortunately no humans or animals were harmed).

26) Our guitarist is actually named after a Pope (but really this is an achievement

        of JPs parents).  However, it does mean that the band has God on its side.  

27) Mickey once played a bass solo so monumentally loud and inappropriate that

       the bowels of everyone in the room (and surrounding residences) were

       simultaneously loosened.  He claims he "hit the wrong pedal" but we know he

       was just trying to express himself musically. 

28) Mighty Mouse actually turned up at a gig with a wooden  wishing well  on the

       passenger seat of his car.  This was odd as Speedy had  wished that evening

       that he would turn up with a wishing well on the front seat of his car (the

       moral of this being, be careful what you wish for...) 

 29) Mickey Cheddar was "persued" at a gig by a lady, until it became apparent by

        his ring he was already betrothed, whereupon he was dropped like a stone.

        The lady was of mature years (as is Mickey) and he is now not 

        wearing rings to gigs,  to maximise his future chances. 

        With women throwing themselves at Dangermouse at every gig, and Mighty

        Mouse being the "catch" of the band for the young lady about town, only

        Speedy the drummer remains pure and celibate.  

30) JP has also been "persued by a lady" WHILST NOT ACTUALLY BEING AT THE

       GIG, the lady in question asking "where the nice young man is"


  

To end, we would like to quote a famous poet, encapsulating what we all feel about the our musical journey...

 

So I said thank you for the music

The song we're singing

Thanks for all the joy we're bringing

Who can live without it

I ask in all honesty

What would life be

Without a song or a dance

What are we

So I said thank you for the music

For giving it to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.